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My Wife, My Abuser
Part 3: Making it through the darkest hours and finding hope ahead
The Toll Abuse Takes
One of the hardest things to confront after leaving an abusive relationship is realizing how much of yourself you gave up to your abuser. I imagine it’s similar to how someone feels when they escape a cult and recognize just how deeply they were brainwashed.
When you’re being abused and manipulated, every day is a silent robbery. The abuser sneaks into your psyche and steals your most prized possessions: your sense of self, your boundaries, your understanding of love. Just like a burglar ransacking a house, the abuser takes these things from you one by one, leaving you an empty shell of your former self.
By the end of our marriage, Alejandra had stolen so much from me psychologically that I was left in a deeply troubled state. After realizing our communication problems would never improve, I started to look for an exit from the relationship. But I was trapped because I didn’t have the money to move out and get my own place.
So my discontentment turned inward, leading to pervasive thoughts of suicide for months on end. I imagined scenarios like dropping a toaster in our bathtub with me in it, or buying a gun and shooting myself in the head in a local park where I…
